Monday, February 16, 2009

Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Writing!!!

My insanely funny friend, Jenners, over at Life With A Little One And More, came up with this brilliant game to play where you try to come up (on purpose, mind you!) with THE WORST opening line for a ficticious book. So, I am going to gird my loins and wade in chest deep with both barrels blazing. See? I am ALREADY mixing my metaphors...how much worse can it get?
Here goes:

"Sobbing beautifully, as only a beautiful woman can, Charlotte whipped her glossy, raven locks back and shook her delicately petite, if defiant, fist in vain at the cowardly retreating back of her one-time-fiance, who had only just previously heartlessly rejected her because of his own pitiful inability to tame her wild, unbridled nature." From The Grossly Unjust Rejection of Beautifully Unbroken Charlotte.

Wow! Where did that come from? I would be the LAST PERSON on God's Green Earth to read a trashy romance novel, but that sounds like a best seller for sure! Ok, how about this one?

"Cursed with indecision, Roger stood unmoving in front of the checkout clerk, with her unanswerable question reverberating in his quivering brain." An excerpt from Paper or Plastic? A Modern-Day Horror.

Ba-dum-bum-CHING!!!! How did I do....Hopefully horrible, terrible, no good AND very bad!!!! (My apologies to Judith Viorst for heisting her title.....)
Blessings!

9 comments:

Jenners said...

These are so great! I LOVED THEM! The Charlotte one is a blast ... I was totally gigglinga nd then the title just sealed the deal! The line "Sobbing beautifully, as only a beautiful woman can...." is so perfect! And the Paper and Plastic one is perfect! I loved these! Thanks so much for playing! These posts are turning out so good and are so funny! I hope you had as much fun writing them as I did reading them!

Michelle said...

What fun! Maybe a trashy romance in hidden in you after all!

InkHearts said...

Well, being an avid reader, you always tend to think..."I could write that better" or "I would have written it differently" and I have always wanted to write, but I and absolutely IMMOBILIZED with terror at the thought of being *sob* rejected!!!!! Who knows? Maybe some day...but not trashy novels. I mean, my MOM is probably gonna read it and then I would be in TROUBLE!!! hehehehe

kisatrtle said...

I'm sobbing beautifully as only a beautiful woman can at how awful you can write! Way to go...I snort laughed at the paper or plastic title. Too funny. Maybe we can co-write the trashy novel and when your mom reads it you can blame all the smut on me. LOL

My word is Ovende (Oh-ven-day) he is definately the sexy lead in our book...don't you think????

Tiffany said...

Fantastic stuff! Quivering brain - love it!

Cindy E said...

OMW, a monitor alert would have been helpful! I about spewed coffee all over it!!! Thanks for making me LOL. Hugs, Cindy

CDB said...

Oh, these are beautiful(ly bad), which makes them great! Paper or plastic made me giggle. My mother sounds a lot like yours, btw!

This is the best game ever.

CJ said...

I liked the trashy romance novel. A friend once decided she was going to write a romance novel, so invited a dozen of us for dinner to brainstorm a plot. To get us in the mood, she gave each of us 6 romance novels to read. I got about a third of the way through one and just couldn't continue. My husband normally fell asleep while I continued to read in bed for a while. I kept waking him up when I laughed out loud at lines like,"When he pulled her to him, she could feel the evidence of his arousal." While it made me squeal with laughter, it was a squeamish squeal, like i was going to throw up. My friend never did write her novel but we had a smashing good time creating crazy scenarios.

Sab said...

Ok, those are funny! I have often pondered the paper and plastic question myself... oh the horror!